You might have noticed earlier today that we launched a hunt for cats to join our innovative Cat Division. Well we have to confess that it was our April Fools’ for the year. However, we have had some stunning applications from proud owners who think that there cat has what it takes to join FGH Security. These included…
Nominated by Simon to fit into the Security Guarding Division.
Key skills include:
- Low-light search techniques
- Perimeter patrol
- Covert field observation
- Urban warfare skills
- Own Tundra camouflage provided
Nominated by Ian to fit into the Event Security Division
Key skills and attributes:
- He’s a solid ass kicker with experience in the security industry having previously worked for G-claw-S.
- His is a tail that should be told, we often sitting around mewsing on them for hours.
- Although under contract he has a claws in his contract that would allow him to leave for the purrfect offer.
- He’s had some tough times, never had much luck with the ladies etc, but he’s always one to land on his feet after a quick paws for thought.
- Norris, named after Chuck of course, would be the ideal face of the FGH Feline Division.
Jim (nice but dim)
Nominated Abby for the Event Security Division
Keys skills and attributes:
I’m not going to pretend that Jim is that stealthy, or coordinated, or even that bright but he is a big laaad, plus he’s pretty much a eunuch so will be considerably less distracted by a pretty face. His colouring makes him ideal for undercover nocturnal Ops and his strong (fat) build means that you should be able to fix Catcam securely to him. If you’ve got a laser pen you can even guide him exactly to where you want him. He’s also pretty food orientated so will be easy to train, unfortunately this means that at the end of the night you’ll probably find him with the rest of his team down the Kebab shop.
Nominated by Emma for the Door Supervision Division
Key skills and attributes (simply put):
- If he can go to space, he can man a door.
Nominated by Mr and Mrs Smith for the Event Security Division
Key skills and attributes include:
Tigsy descends from a pedigree whose ancestors recently were running wild but at 5 years old, he has lived peacefully amongst a wide variety of characters all his life. He is well behaved amongst children but it is best said that his respect is better noticed when there is a fair distance between him and them.
Easily pleased and not a fussy eater, a regular meal of 15kilos of fresh meat a day keeps him happy.
Will probably need some training in the subtleties of crowd control, although he only needs a regular meal after which he takes a siesta and also, he can be a bit touchy when approached with aggression.
He is capable of nocturnal operations and is a stealthy operator. His complexion is such that he blends in with the sort of dry, parched pampas-like landscape of Lowther Park / Kendal Calling in Summer. Can work conscientiously and independently and is capable of bringing down miscreants at 50 metres in a second.
Well suited to community representation where he is certain to ‘turn heads’.
Sorry no photo but he’s ‘out and about’ just now but I have attached a quick sketch which illustrates his sort of, general appearance.
Mary & Joseph
Nominated by Peter for company wide deployment
Key skills and attributes:
They are security cats of biblical proportions. Here is Joseph carrying out a patrol of the kitchen area earlier with Mary in tow.
Thank you to everyone who took the time to send in a nomination and comment and share across social media.